How To Keep A Wife Happy

Sometimes married partners develop the idea that romance has gone out of their marriage. This is nonsense. You may have to encourage your partner with subtle hints, like insisting the husband open the car door for the wife.

I learned many tips for keeping my wife happy, over my lifetime. Here they are:

1. Read about King Arthur and medieval chivalry. Heavenly Father likes chivalry. You should too.
2. Pay attention in the Holy Temple to hints about marriage.
3. Pick a girl who would dump you like a hot potato, if you suggested being married out of the Holy Temple, so your marriage lasts beyond death for eternity.
4. Keep the idea that if you "play around" with your body before marriage, the best girl in the universe may dump you because you belong to whoever you played with.
5. Use revelation from your Heavenly Father via the Holy Ghost, to be the epoxy glue that holds you together.
6. Hold hands often.
7. Put your loving arm around her.
8. Give her hot-stuff looks constantly. I do this, just about every time I go past her.
9. Like a knight, walk between her and the evil mud thrown at her, to protect her.
10. Per chivalry, stand when she enters the room. Pull out a chair for her at the table.
11. Listen to her ideas. Two heads are an order of magnitude better than one.
12. Open doors for your wife. Be sure your children see this.
13. Tell your wife you love her, continually. Many times more than once a day.
14. Kiss her often. Kiss her before leaving for work, and after coming home.
15. Keep the idea that there is no such thing as giving her too much attention.
16. Keep an attitude that other men's wives belong to them. To you, they are simply part of Heavenly Father's many artistic creations.
17. Ignore her petty faults. The only attribute that matters in eternity is her spirituality, her intent to become an eternal queen and priestess.
18. Be wary of office romances. Be polite and businesslike to your female coworkers. Keep personal matters out of office conversations.
19. Remember you have the second-best wife in the universe. (I have the best wife.)

Now swallow your male pride, and get busy using these tips. Start by telling your wife that Jim Raehl has a notion about his wife being the best. The reality is that your wife is the hottest big-bang universe-creation wife in the universe. (Except I stand by my statement, that Jerrie Lyn is the hottest wife in the universe.)